tête-à-tête with a stranger

Lucky Number

2008-08-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

The Chinese picked today for its good karma. I guess the Russians decided they wanted the good luck as well.

Comebacks

2008-06-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

Don't mind me, just watching Turkey complete a comeback against Cech and the Czech. Not unlike this one a few days ago.

Democrat's Disease

2008-05-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

It was February when the Governator ever tongue in cheek said....

"You know when I married my wife I promised to love her in sickness and in health. That's her disease.....you know......"

Arnie had just finished voting in the California Republican party primary and that was his reply to a question about how he, a ponderous elephant handled being married to Maria Shriver, a Democrat. Its "aeons" ago but it stuck especially as the self-destructive malady ran riot within the party of the ass. Both its front runners whose names I shall not mention, locked horns in a fight to the death. Supporters weren't left out either, I have memories of Super-bowl weekend as evidence. He claiming change, she claiming experience.

It was quite evident after the Texas and Ohio primaries in March, to me at least, that the super-delegates would decide and my first thought was John Edwards would be instrumental in swaying support. She and he were ahead of everyone, already visiting Edwards in February to canvas his endorsement. He kept quiet, "keeping his powder dry" I'm sure he'll claim, through the bruising months, 3am phone call ads and pastor sermons.

Now he's surfaced to add the "full stop" but raising the same questions in my mind that were raised when he ran with Kerry in 2004. Yep those same questions about how he loves to back a winning horse, and back it all the way to the vice-presidency he will attempt. The grumbles will be silenced especially with the main race in sight. Its May now and the most recent victim of the Democratic malady, now party chairman, will hope the party does not suffer a relapse before November.

Hat tip

2008-04-01T17:39:00.000-07:00

Quite a while since I was last here,
folks have passed,
folks have arrived
and
folks have "init"ed.
No depressing thoughts allowed, its just a hat tip
to those that have left us,
those that have joined us
plus
those about to be thrust upon us.

Remember this...

2008-01-04T11:09:00.000-08:00

That scream torpedoed Howard Dean's presidential aspirations last time Iowa was "in the news". No such shenanigans this time.......except the unexpected sight of Chuck Norris on the stage behind "Huckaboom".

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T00:11:00.000-08:00

Have fun everyone.

The quiet one

2007-11-15T12:29:00.001-08:00

Not very chatty is he?
Nah, not at all....

Nothing in common?
Plenty in common, same "dorm" for 48 months, just difficult to have a conversation with. Not exactly kept up with each other. Doesn't make it easy either, freaking techie-challenged bum. I'm not ready to hear the "Nah another 12 months b4 we hear from u again" line either.

Well ... you do go silent ... often.
Yeah I know, got his back in a jam though but I cant stand the "what's the next topic" phone silence, rather be sleeping.

Might be in a jam already....
True, him and a gaggle of others who left extras and finals undone. Still not sure why. Never got round to asking 'em, maybe 'cause their crew was done and had split. Still not sure why guilt creeps in either, like I did something. I wouldn't have made the "big boy" choice in their shoes.

Possibly he figured running gas and pumps for pops would do?
Hmm, that works for a while .... they are community assets, though. Aside that, pops has lived, he hasn't.

Tried getting him to step out?
Yeah, dragging his feet about it,.....possibly just found out why. His other half told on him, about the unfinished business. I'm thinking that's the reason for his dragging. Spoken up earlier and it would be cleared already. The other dude's already got his stuff done.

You did say he's the quiet one....
I did, but not the stupid one.

Rambo action

2007-11-15T11:37:00.000-08:00

Hundreds of robbers shot.

Cadavers shall henceforth not be a scarce commodity in Nigerian medical schools.

Twick or Tweet?

2007-11-01T10:34:00.000-07:00

Now for the last three weeks or thereabouts, me and I have done our almost nightly runs through cemeteries, clouds of mist and cobwebs. We've also had the odd witch do a fly-by, seen a couple of mummies climb out of coffins and been waved at by a scarecrow sitting on a front porch.

The car at the office parking structure with a zombie sitting in the passenger seat, nko?

Yes that one too. You get the point, Halloween is taken quite seriously by some of my "neighbours". Sourpuss I'm not, at least not today, so I shall be handing out virtual tricks and treats.

Tricks:
Madam Speaker - Yep, you know who. The law diploma holding member of the ruling party and artisan from the south-west finally resigned. Hopefully the house will get down to work now.

The members who begged her to quit - You don't believe me right ...?

"Etteh(erstwhile Speaker) still remained on her new seat while some lawmakers which included Khadijat Ibrahim and Folake Oshinowo crowded her, kneeling down in the chambers to beg her to toe Nguroje's(erstwhile Deputy Speaker) line."

The end justifies the means some might argue but this is weird and wrong. Elected officials are not deities to be appeased. It just makes you look dumb.

Manchester City FC - The blue half of Manchester figured they were a top four team and strolled into Stamford Bridge, prancing on their tiptoes. Six goals later they walked out with their tails between their legs.

The roaming posse of 15yr-olds I spotted celebrating Halloween in my neighborhood - You fellows are too old to be panhandling for candy, leave it to the kids i.e. pre-teens.

Treats:
Sepp Blatter - So Brazil were handed the rights to the 2014 world cup, on a platter by Blatter I might rhyming-ly add, they were the only ones bidding. Apparently one of the first questions asked at the ceremony was in regards to the crime rate in Brazil. His response ...

"When we have attributed the World Cup to South Africa, the first question came, 'why [do] you go to South Africa, there is criminality? And now we give the World Cup to Brazil and you start with the Same questions. Ladies and gentlemen, please observe a little bit of respect for our guests, for FIFA, and for ....."

I don't always agree with Septic Sepp but I think he got this right.

Nigerian Supreme Court - Personally I'd rather the election were re-run but I won't begrudge them a piece of candy for this ruling.

Ashy with an orange tinge

2007-10-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

Water on Monday
Fire on Sunday
Went south on Friday
Coming west on Thursday
Its all good G.W.
Just don't say "heck of a job" to anyone.

Image: NASA

One story left to tell?

2007-10-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

So a couple of mysteries, if you can call them that, finally cleared up this week. I saw a cab driver getting a ticket for something or the other, given that I work close to LAX, just about the only place in this town where you'll find cabs in plenty I'm frequently a close observer of serial traffic offenses committed by the often pudgy, impatient drivers. I shouldn't be, but if I get pulled over for a "non-existent" rolling stop on a dark Friday evening after a long ass week and the one head-lamped cabbie behind me goes free, you best be assured I'm smiling when one of them gets a ticket.

Also found out what the cabs do with their spare time while waiting for a fare. I spotted a fair number, about 6 to be precise, engrossed in a card game laid out on the trunk of one of their vehicles. I wasn't close enough to identify what they were playing, not like I'm a card guru, but conversation was animated enough to convince me they weren't about the bragging rights. Also probably the reason why the game moved to the next vehicle as the line advanced, just enough to keep the "scene" around the corner and out of sight of the main entrance of the hotel which they were "servicing".

So far, its been a couple of weeks since most folks asked "wtf is Blackwater" and why are mercenaries now called security contractors? Its also been a couple of weeks since I wondered how the hell there are more or an equal number contractors in Iraq. With the 160k odd folks in green thats roughly about 300k folks, mostly men that are in-country for extended periods. Its also been a couple of weeks, since a colleague of mine wondered aloud why the prostitution that no doubt occurs remains an untold story.

With all the elements in place, a Muslim country i.e females and sex remain topics of mystery, 300k new residents from a different society, lonely and with cash to burn, the story should be writing itself. With the history of comfort women during war and also the much smaller UN mission in the DRC getting in trouble, me thinks there is an obvious gap. Or maybe they are all just angels and remain chaste as the military expects.

Excuse ooo ....... give me my thing back

2007-09-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

"There should be no safe haven for those who steal from the poor"

--- Robert Zoelick, World Bank president.

That's right, that's right. The World Bank and the UN office on Drugs and Crime are now on your side. Fighting the good fight to get stolen funds returned to their rightful owners. The StAR initiative is evidence of this. It'll provide legal and diplomatic assistance to developing countries seeking repatriation of their assets, the kind Zanny and Mobutu stashed away.

But...

The initiative can't pursue stolen assets of its own volition ...... so if one thief replaces another thief or family member replaces thief or "Father Christmas" replaces thief.....

Also the initiative has no power to force foreign banks and/or governments to return stolen funds, relying instead on the accepted good practice within the industry to do the right thing. I believe the exact quote was "we practice persuasion".

Obviously the "if you are dumb enough to bring your money over here, we'll be smart enough to relieve you of it" loop-hole is alive and well. Ultimately the success of this scheme relies on this kind of goodwill.

Suddenly, me wishes he could have the time spent listening to the web-cast back.

I spotted this today, I really do pity the Soweto male folk.

Short and swift

2007-08-10T11:59:00.000-07:00

Its interesting seeing the different reactions to the news filtering out of Nigeria in about the last couple of months. The spike in robberies, power problems and female harassment, irk the hell out of most folks.

Outrage driven by a passion for the homeland?

In the midst of it all I call up my folks. Not like I particularly had anything life-threatening to talk about, but three weeks of silence from their end is unusual. I figured it was about about 10am Naija time, so I call them up, just my Mum this time, Dad was out of town and the sibling in 9ja was at work.

Greetings and the usual prayers follow, yeah you know the sort, prayers about work, life, girlfriend/wife, kids and the like. I laugh it all off with mumbled answers in the affirmative, typical, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get an appreciation of them prayers. I've heard them since I was "ye high" and they've blended into the background so much that my response is automatic. Even residence in some torture chamber wouldn't change my reply from "everything is fine".

Questions about my eating habits(her pet peeve), uncles, another sibling and other family members on this side of the pond ensue. Everyone and everything is fine, including that uncle I haven't spoken to in six months.

Typical isn't it. You call her up and she does most of the talking. Women!!!

Behind the conversation I could hear the toot of okadas cruising past on the streets, turns out she was somewhere on the island, Lagos island that is, doing something or the other. At that point I lost the urge to discuss anything further, said my goodbyes and disconnected.

It was 2:02am LA time. I wasn't sleepy, I just didn't feel like discussing the usual Nigerian issues. Not the first time I've preferred not to speak about it in recent time, but who the hell wants their homeland in disarray.

Coffin 4 Head Of State redux

2007-07-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

Women threaten to curse Nigerian men

Hmm, I hope Ralph has "bulletproof", but then he is a Biafran man.

This leaps off the page too.

"The Eastern Women's Consultative Forum (EWCF) say they will take the corpse of Mr Uwazuruike's mother, who died recently, to the presidential villa if the government fails to act on their demand."

At least coma victims from 1977 haven't missed much. Anyone care to explain the fascination with dead bodies? Quite a gap in my education about it.

Femi Kuti does LA

2007-07-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

Yeeeeeaaaaah!!!!!!!!!
I can still hear him, ringing in my ears, 5 days later.
The crazy frat boy who stood behind me at the Femi Kuti performance last weekend, yelling at the end of every song.

I can still see her too.
The woman who harbored fantasies of joining Femi's dancers on stage.
Not sure what the attraction was, the rhythm? the live performance? or just Femi.

Him I particularly remember.
An older fellow, likely African American, he gently swayed to all the songs played except one.
"Bang, Bang, Bang", it brought out the animal in him.

"Somebody was definitely getting it that night".

Frat boy was obviously on something, not sure what, alcohol was the intoxicant of choice for most. Or maybe his yelling was just my punishment for setting my watch to CPT. Quite a number of Fela's adherents were at the show too, as evidenced by some whiffs of mary jane . I did also spot a couple of older yellow, green and red clad Rastafarians.

The woman with the dancing fantasy, she was hyper throughout and would obviously rather have been on stage. I'm not sure I would have appreciated it. Effort she had, rhythm .... err not quite. Me definitely would not have appreciated, his fantasies involved only Femi's dancers. They had rhythm, and the assets to demonstrate it. Any pacemakers in that room must have worked overtime.

The oldie in the Fedora, definitely didn't want a heart attack, hence him saving his energy for "Bang Bang Bang". It was one of the songs at the crescendo of the performance. Femi took the opportunity to dispense some sexual knowledge, the randy LA folks cheered all the way, quite a contrast from the political philosophy he had earlier attempted that received an unusual ovation.

A good time is what everyone wanted and that they got. Femi kept the half-and-half crowd in a frenzy with his keyboard and sax, sounding hauntingly like his dad. Even the drummers got caught up, losing their sticks and joining the dancers while the horns were blazing. The 9ja-starved Nigerians in the crowd dug out moves from their "palmy"-driven gyrations in college, the Non-Nigerians trying to out do them.

"Ha, an Afrobeat dance-off on Sunset strip".

An attempt to end the performance was rebuffed by the crowd's continued ovation and catcalls. The show continued with some music from his unreleased album and eventually ended with a cover of "Water No Get Enemy" which got an animated response from the crowd recognizing one from the master himself.

Good show no doubt and a few things were obvious, "Shoki Shoki" from 1999 remains his most popular album. Femi's face while he's on the keyboards looks like he's taking a dump, you know that last little bit you squeeze....

"Wetin now, I dey chop for here".

The Nigerians were not the most hyper group in the house. Maybe we don't have an appreciation of what's ours? Or maybe we weren't just as intoxicated? Odds are we were just in better rhythm. Now as I actively add Femi to my Fela collection I'm left with the memory of yeeeeeaaaaah!!!!!!!! and those dancers.

More photos by Matthew Fleischer and Mel Schwartz

Buck the trend?

2007-06-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

To the sons and daughters of Nkrumah,
as you find huge amounts of the black elixir.

May you find a cure for the Dutch disease,
and share the patent with your neighbours to the east.
We don't mind generics either.

Dokubo Asari shall not discover he has a long-lost half brother,
by way of his long-lost step mother.

Osu Castle shall not be first words of those from non-oil areas,
or the only words from those with uniforms and guns.

Revenue allocation shall remain a benign phrase,
as it hopefully has been till this phase.

Marginalisation must become a dirty word,
lest it become the only campaign slogan for the overawed.

Civil war shall remain a matter of theory,
because the practical is not an issue to take jokingly.
Besides we are too busy retaking oil platforms to organise Ecomog.

May your regions not become debtor elements,
only to emotionally blackmail the central government.

May the GLC's(or whatever your labour union is) strikes not be labeled political,
because the cost of living is probably already diabolical.

Jerry Rawlings and retirement.
May these words forever be spoken in the same sentence,
believe me it is better he be referred to in the past tense.

"Ghana must go" shall retain its new function,
as a fashion accessory for the ladies not the parliamentarians.

Essien shall not become target practice,
only for the Super Eagles if we meet.

I wish you luck, you will need it.

What did you say?

2007-06-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

I'm spending some time on the shores of Lake Michigan this week, at some random trade show exhibiting some software I wrote earlier this year. Cool place, not sure I'd live here, but I definitely like the place and have a better opinion of Chicago than some areas on the East coast.

"Who come ask you that wan now?"

Its not a good look standing on my feet for hours on end for three days and though things have gone well one particular person got to me. My speech is a touchy spot for me, because I speak very fast and tend to swallow a fair number of my words. Worked on it I have and I probably should take a speech class. Its always been that way even from home and conversations between my siblings and I can come out sounding like sniffs, mumbles and grunts to the casual observer. No, not code words, just speedy dialogue.

Its the end of the first day, here comes miss thing walking into the exhibit. Black and female, she is one of few from either category. I give a brief rundown of the solution, and she asks a few questions. Two, possibly three mother-like warnings(she's middle-aged) to slow my speech down later, she thanks me and walks away. I replay what just happened in my mind and hope she didn't recognize the "will you mind your effing business" expression hidden behind the smile on my face.

I had gotten through the entire day at a busy exhibit without a problem. Is it possible everyone else ignored it? Mmm I think not, I'll have seen the puzzlement on their faces if my explanation was lost on them even if they were too PC to say so. Maybe she thought she was doing me a "Sista" to "Brotha" favor but in the heat of the moment I put it down to the "I can't understand your accent" issue that mysteriously crops up the moment someone has a problem with pronouncing your name. My name tag giving my obviously non-"Mr Smith" name away didn't help there.

Sharrap and admit your lazy ass made the easier "she's the one with issues" assumption.

However she didn't say accent, she said speed, she got at a problem I know I have and actively combat and maybe its her pointing it out that ticked me off. Her subsequent visits to the booth if any, will be handled by someone-else. I'd rather not let her bias against my speech affect her perception of my company and work, particularly since I'd rather control it for professional purposes than eliminate it entirely.

Oh Crap

2007-06-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

I've been here before, a "life flashing before my eyes" moment.
Quite a while though, last time was maybe half a decade ago.
One of my clandestine college runs almost busted by a tyre gone bust.
See..., told you I've been here before. That's my "was here" signature just flown past.
I remember when "was here" used to be all the rage in Naija.
Awww, my back, it hurts. My tail bone, its on fire.
I'm rambling, what's with the rambli....

"Ewoo, wetin dey do you sef, you don killi us today"

My toes, I can't feel my toes. Can't move my legs, I'm paralyzed.
Oh crap, this is how it feels to be a cripple.
Rehab maybe, I heard it works.
How long? Weeks, months, forever.
What will I do without my soccer and running?
No, no, no. I won't go, go, go.
Why am I miming Winehouse?

"mocha, is this better"

Who is that? can you hear me, let me out. An image of my co-worker holding a Rolling Stone cover flashes by. Amy Winehouse's made-up face stares back. Yes its better, anything is better than Keith Richards on the last cover I saw.

"Kai, willlie willie the 2nd"

Behind the make-up Amy's got some pipes on her, that wail reminds me of Lauryn Hill. The "rehab" remix with Jay-Z and Pharoahe Monch is something. From the rebellious "rehab" to the dark title song its obvious she wrote the album during a period of personal heartbreak, when she and her then boyfriend, now husband broke up. I'm definitely on the lookout for her first album in the hope that its almost as good as the second. It does give me pause though that she sometimes looks like a poster child for crack's wackness and her addictions run as a subplot through the article and album. Her man, alcohol, weed and more all have a potentially destructive hold on her soul. Here's hoping she keeps a leash on her issues and channels it to more music.

Who are all these people?

"This world is not my own, I'm just passi ...."

"Are you alright? What happened? Can you continue?"

Me's already attending my funeral while the questions come thick and fast. Ask away like you didn't see your little teammate get underneath me when I went up for a header, I landed on my freaking tail bone. Yeah I'm continuing, its personal now. Lying on my back catching my breath I wonder what addictions everyone around me is dealing with and oh yeah, we won and I can feel my toes now.

I Must Look and Laugh

2007-05-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

......and so you have a situation where without immunity they likely will get arrested and tried for corruption. Hence the desire to be outside the country before their handover dates. One actually handed over three days.......

There you are, didn't see you for a moment. I've being expecting you.

Walk with me for a second, I need to get some water. I was just explaining to my co-worker the reason for my derisive laughter a few minutes earlier. He's much older and from somewhere in the Caribbean and I had to explain myself lest I be considered crazy. I had just seen the “Nigerian governors on the run” report on Thisday hence my laughter. I must say I expected more of the governors to be unavoidably absent at the handovers, I guess most feel confident in their ability to beat the expected EFCC rap or maybe they've reached some unholy deal with the incoming administration. Dariye, Nnamani, Haruna, Turaki et. al weren't taking any chances. My guess is we'll be seeing them if/when a friendlier government gets into power.

A recurring theme playing in my head these days are the similarities between Yar'adua and Shagari(OBJ's first selection). Both educators from the North, quiet, almost shy with the lingering aura of “puppet”. It remains to be seen if the similarities end there. So while I look and laugh, I'll leave you with something positively less depressing, and no that picture above is no accident.

I wrote this for someone close to me. She'll never see this, at least not by my hand. I can't stand her mushiness. She revels in it, can't help it, she's built that way. I started several months ago, updating as things unfolded. There's one stanza to go, I'm sure you can tell what by the end. My apologies if it comes out cryptic and/or disjointed, spelling it all out ruins it for me.

She's strong
more than she knows,
backed by the word and light,
a beacon to many,
ever a open ear for the worrier.

She's weak
in the most surprising of ways,
drawn to the wrong side of right,
needs the family,
verbose in all manner.

She's blood
not literally but via nuptials
the little tots favorite aunt,
the distant folks point of rally,
familial glue of the best kind.

She's human
with eternal flaws,
seeks a rib, to complete,
accepts less, seemingly,
but apparently knows better.

She's worried,
about me, who woulda thunk
in my head, laying thots.
I made the jump, babe. No defense necessary
I got the picture.

She's happy
more than you can imagine.
I'm happy
more than she can imagine.
I'm no longer on speed dial, he is.

She's crying
blinding to the eye,
on a simple band, 2nd finger from the left,
Never one for words, I'm silent, yeah right.
Hope they aren't blood diam....? My smiling reply.

...............
...............
...............
...............
...............

She's his
Yes
He's hers,
Mos def.

ZZZs in Class

2007-05-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

Quit smiling at me homie and don't even ask, I'm not going to watch your bags while you go to the restroom. One mean-mugging look later, I can get back to listening to some podcast about Private Military Service companies while considering my idle blog. The fellow across from me is saddled with the task of “security”, I offer my telepathic apologies, another time another place and I'll gladly watch them but take your pick of drugs, terrorism and grumpiness as my excuse for today.

Kai, if nah woman now you go gree.

Whatever, ok add wrong gender to the list of my reasons. It's 10.30pm, I'm sitting at JFK airport waiting for my twice delayed flight to get off the ground. I just got done with my 3^rd Technology Transfer session at a client site in 2 days. A touch of pity for the folks that had to sit through those mind-numbing sessions. Damn New Yorkers and their 15 seconds long attention span, did they have to look so bored? Let's not forget the ones who nodded off. Alright I admit if I wasn't the “lecturer”, I'd probably be asleep myself but only because I've being handling this stuff for a minute.

Five gbosa to the cute thing who scheduled my first session for the previous afternoon. Your pikins will not forget you in your old age. Adding to the difficulty of preparing a training session that was detailed enough to keep the engineers interested while not losing the marketing folks for whom the sessions were actually intended, my brain had insisted on sticking to LA time. The four extra hours of sleep the morning of the first session did wonders.

My flight boards as I remember I have to do this again next weekend, MD this time. Peter Snow drones on about fifty thousand “mercenaries” and a lack of accountability while we eventually get airborne and I zone out.

“Ding”, the seat belt lights go off.

Hallelujah, we don reach. Dis person wey dey my side, wey go piss like 10 times don dey fear me sef.

The rush to disembark always baffles me. Everyone, even the folks in the last row jump into the aisles like some SWAT team only to stand in place for minutes while for the folks ahead of them disembark. A light smile graces my lips as I watch cramped passengers trying to avoid breathing each other's air and I wonder what happens to those mercenaries when the conflict ends. Retirement hopefully.

Here comes the Teacher

2007-04-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

.............Nigeria.......... ..........20%........... .........Oil Production.......... ..........6th largest............ ............supply concerns.............

“Dimango, wake up”

“Leave me, day never break”

“Wake up jare, yawa don gas.......”

It takes 30 seconds(yes I counted) for my eyes to focus. Hmmm, “she's cute”. Great!!! its not enough that BBC regals us with Obj declaring that electoral standards should be low because we are “learning”. I have to be woken up by it as well. The CNBC anchor goes on about elections and oil prices. Yeah that's right Nigeria is only news-worthy when oil hits $68/barrel or email scams are highlighted. Apologies to the green lobby, but leaving my TV running all night is a regular occurrence. The next Nigerian that utters “learn....” ought to be shot.

Anyway it must be nice living in Nigeria nowadays. Gasoline tankers rolling down hills, the Judiciary giving out verdicts at greater than snail speed. Thugs delivering their best SWAT team impression. INEC actually obeying court orders, in their typical incompetent manner. So nice that some 34 million of an estimated 60 million eligible voters actually voted. Almost 60%, wonderful. All without ballot papers, miraculous.

The result? A landslide. Considering that most people I know back home didn't vote, I'm especially curious to find out just how many votes were actually cast in the elections. No one seems to know, monitors insist turnout was low but every estimate is based on the final result declared by INEC which is clearly above 50%. No figures for the State election either. Odds are turnout for the Federal elections was worse because of voter apathy over the outcome of the State elections.

Protests? There will be some, Utomi doesn't mind. Legal challenges? Almost definitely, maybe from Atiku. The result? Probably set in stone, except Buhari has his way. The new man? Yar' adua in case you haven't heard.

..............The housing crisis continues.............. .................Sales and prices dip............ ...................worst in 18 years.................

The cutie brings out of my reverie, just like that the election is old news.

*Do spare a thought for the three Naval officers who died in the chopper crash in Imo state. I knew one of them, was at his wedding and I'm extremely tight with his brother-in-law. Pretty much ruined the comedy of the elections.

Three Faces, Same Result

2007-04-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

The BBC flooded my eardrums with Nkem's election reporting last weekend. Griping drama certainly, especially with the Supreme court's ruling. I feel obliged to ask a few random questions that have occurred to me.

What happens to the six, maybe more, gubernatorial candidates "wrongly" barred from the state elections by INEC?

"Nothing go happen. INEC don chance dem be that. You must stand well-well if you wan win."

What happens to the ballot papers for this weekend's election? Did I just hear someone mention that INEC is considering stickers to add Atiku's name to the ballot papers?

"Sticker? Abi you and Prof don dey smoke sontin."

Are there any party manifestos, proposed policies?

"Mani wetin? Na 1993 you dey? Dat style don kpeme with June 12."

Last one, can Nigerian politicians be labeled? The news media loves labeling politicians as "Liberal", "Conservative", "Centrist" e.t.c. based on their political past and/or core values. Buhari seems to have "Religious" attached to him and Atiku's anti-3rd term label was for his own interests.

"Dis wan too easy. Anywhere money dey, na their label be dat."

My opinion on the presidential elections? "Customs"(Atiku) at best gets on the ballot in some states, INEC blames logistic difficulties for failing to put him on all the ballots. "Customs" at the last minute goes to court to postpone the election, he doesn't get a ruling in time to actually stop the election since Nigerians will likely have another couple of days off this week. The elections proceed with "Squash"(Yar' Adua), "WAI"(Buhari) and the others. Based on last weekend's rigging results "Squash" get sworn into office on the 29th of May. What happens beyond that, I don't know except that "Customs" spends the next nine months unsuccessfully trying to get the elections vacated and re-done.

I certainly don't envy those who will be voting, might as well close our eyes and pick one. Odds are the result will be the same.

A Late End

2007-04-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

In and out he went
A fueled high, unnatural
Reaching a higher channel
Seventh heaven surpassed
Cloud nine done and dusted
Talk to me, he said
Her eyes said "rather go with the flow"
Not even pictures can capture the emotion, I think
Jill Scott warbles on

In and out he went
Sometimes clarity
Most times ecstasy
Minutes at a time
Hours on the whole
Talks to him, she does
Unintelligible words spoken
Throwaway words I call them, situation driven
Luther Vandross wafts through the air

Voyeur? Peeping tom? You ask. Am I?
A late end to my day it was, 3 minutes later than planned
Ping goes the cell, "come over" sticks out from the jumbled text
"She's coming too, she knows more" says the rest

Ring goes the cell, masculine voice
Audible but shaken, jaded too
Discussion follows, "on my way" ends it.
Me goes to work, weekend + partying + fast car .....
Accident?

Ring goes the cell, feminine voice
Unsure but steady, familiar though
It's been a hot minute
What's up I ask, pregnant pause ........
Suicide?

He took something, comes the reply
Ok, see you in a few goes my reply

Something!! wtf!!
Me runs the gamut
Ecstasy?
Meth?
LSD?
Painkillers?
Alcohol?
Mary Jane?

In and out he went
A trip gone bad
A high gone awry
Time brought clarity
It was Mary Jane, eaten
Potent and transient
A late end to my day it was, 3 hours later than planned
Great, I missed a 5 goal cracker

Come on Meat

2007-04-02T14:18:00.000-07:00

"Hmm, I could put a cup on that right there".

Thursday night and I should be getting set for my game but I flip on the TV and I'm confronted with the anatomically incorrect derriere that belongs to Serena Williams. Random thoughts about her familial genetics ensue while she hands out a “random” beating to her opponent.

"Which kind cameraman be this sef, nah NTA dem employ you come? Who wan see old papa when bakassi dey ground."

I'm not alone, me is watching the game too. The TV camera just panned away from the court to show Richard Williams in the stands making notes. The commentators make the requisite comment about coaching and parental support

Flashback three years, Serena and I are hanging …….

"Who dash you? Abeg no dey do April fool for here?"

Flashback three years and I'm sitting in the bowels of the Staples center in downtown LA watching Serena take on Kim Clijsters. Seemingly always pushing the boundaries of tennis fashion, she’s decked out in some white and yellow outfit that sometimes bears a resemblance to a tutu. Game on and something starts buzzing in my ear. Only this "mosquito" spoke English and picked moments of silence before the start of play to yell out encouragement.

"Come on meat"

Funny, someone has a sense of humor, me possibly? Inappropriate? The chattering classes in the surrounding seats wonder and debate.

"Come on meat", at yet another start of play.

A few glances in the direction of the sound revealed the same face on my screen, Richard Williams. Yep he was calling her meat, apt in an odd kind of way. Game ends, Serena wins, she comes over to acknowledge Dad, show's over, everyone heads home. Question remains, what's Venus' nickname? Bones? Potatoes?

Update: Serena won the final on Saturday as well, giving her a 100% record at her 2 events in 2007.

Keeping it in the Family

2007-03-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

Goodness gracious me!

Whatever you do, don't look back or shake your head. Yikes! hope they didn't hear you.

They didn't, the brunette was too busy gasping in horror as well. Now that I think about it maybe it probably wasn't worth the gasp, but on face-value it was certainly shocking.

You be amebo sef, how you take hear that kind thing?

Not my fault Sandy and Brunette were standing astride the parking structure entrance, gisting. Would have stepped around them, but there was no room and Brunette stepped back like.....

Pass through and partake in this sharing of “knowledge” abi? Your “branch and chop” mentality don put you for trouble.

Actually more like she didn't really want to hear what Sandy had to say, of course Sandy chose the moment of my passage to blurt out “she's dating her step brother and lives with her mom”. The revealed relationship seems incestuous but on further reflection step siblings aren't necessarily blood relatives, thus incest is no longer an issue or is it? And with the Stuebing and Karolewski case in Germany as well one wonders how common such relations are? Let's not forget mom who has "lost" her husband and daughter to the other woman.